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• Danny Butterman : Where's the trolley boy?

  Nicholas Angel : In the freezer.

  Danny Butterman : Did you say "cool off?"

  Nicholas Angel : No I didn't say anything...

  Danny Butterman : Shame.

  Nicholas Angel : Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.

  Danny Butterman : You're off the fuckin' chain!

• Danny Butterman : Point Break or Bad Boys II?

  Nicholas Angel : Which one do you think I'll prefer?

  Danny Butterman : No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?

• Danny Butterman : So what made you want to become a policeman?

  Nicholas Angel : Officer.

  Danny Butterman : What made you want to become a policeman-officer?

  Nicholas Angel : I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.

  Danny Butterman : He sounds like a good bloke.

  Nicholas Angel : Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.

  Danny Butterman : What a cunt...

  Nicholas Angel : Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.

  Danny Butterman : Shame...

  Nicholas Angel : How so?

  Danny Butterman : I think you would have made a great Muppet...

• [after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, Danny is waving a sachet of tomato ketchup]

  Danny Butterman : Ta-daaa!

  Nicholas Angel : Danny, this is murder.

  Danny Butterman : It's not murder, it's ketchup.

  Nicholas Angel : It's Frank! He's appointed himself Judge, Jury and Executioner.

  Danny Butterman : [agitated and defensive] He's not Judge Judy, an Executioner.

• Danny Butterman : Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?

  Nicholas Angel : No.

  Danny Butterman : Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?

  Nicholas Angel : No.

  Danny Butterman : Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?

  Nicholas Angel : Yes, I have.

  Danny Butterman : Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?

  Nicholas Angel : No!

• [looking at a suspicious-looking passerby]

  Nicholas Angel : All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?

  Danny Butterman : He's fuck-ugly.

  Nicholas Angel : Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.

  Danny Butterman : 'Cause he's fuck-ugly.

• Danny Butterman : What about... 'Lethal Weapon'?

  Nicholas Angel : No.

  Danny Butterman : You've seen 'Die Hard', though?

  Nicholas Angel : No.

  Danny Butterman : 'Bad Boys II'?

  Nicholas Angel : No.

  Danny Butterman : You ain't seen 'Bad Boys II'?

• [Danny and Nicholas have just watched 'Point Break']

  Danny Butterman : What do you think?

  Nicholas Angel : Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fueled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

  Danny Butterman : That is nothing man, this is about to go off!

• Nicholas Angel : You're a doctor, deal with it!

  Danny Butterman : Yeah, motherfucker!

• Danny Butterman : Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'

• Inspector Frank Butterman : I suppose you're wondering why we call them the "Andies"?

  Nicholas Angel : They're both called Andrew?

  Inspector Frank Butterman : [delighted] They said you were good!

  Danny Butterman : Also because talking to them is an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?

  [Danny gets hit on the head with a wastepaper basket]

  Danny Butterman : Fuck off!

  Inspector Frank Butterman : Thank you, Danny.

• Nicholas Angel : I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.

  DS Andy Cartwright : Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples 'round here, don't we?

  Danny Butterman : Your dad sells apples, Andy.

  DS Andy Cartwright : And raspberries.

• Nicholas Angel : Why are you wearing a police officer's uniform?

  Danny Butterman : 'Cause I am one?

• [Nicholas is giving a talk to a group of school children]

  Nicholas Angel : Are there any questions?

  [Danny is sitting at the back of a group]

  Danny Butterman : Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?

• Danny Butterman : Forget it, Nicholas... it's Sandford.

• Nicholas Angel : In the meantime, why don't you check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?

  DS Andy Wainwright : Martin Blower represents damn near most of the village. Do you want us to go through the whole phone book?

  DS Andy Cartwright : Yeah, we'll put a call in to Aaron A. Aaronson, shall we?

  Nicholas Angel : Please, don't be childish. At least consider interviewing the widow. Martin Blower was clearly having an affair with Eve Draper.

  DS Andy Wainwright : Ohh, and how did you establish that?

  Danny Butterman : [pounds table] 'Cause we sat through three hours of so-called acting last night, and the kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

  DS Andy Wainwright : All right, pipe down, biggun'.

  DS Andy Cartwright : Here, what else you got, Crockett and Tubby?

  Nicholas Angel : Skid marks.

  DS Andy Wainwright : Now who's being childish?

  Nicholas Angel : There were no skid marks at the scene! Doesn't it seem a little strange that Martin Blower would lose control of his car and not think to apply the brakes?

• [Sergeant Angel has told Danny Butterman that Official Vocabulary no longer refers to car crashes as accidents: They are now called collisions]

  Danny Butterman : Hey, why can't we say "accident," again?

  Nicholas Angel : Because "accident" implies there's nobody to blame.

• Danny Butterman : What's it like being stabbed?

  Nicholas Angel : It was the single most painful experience of my life

  Danny Butterman : [nodding] What's the second most painful?

• DS Andy Wainwright : What are you thinking? Foul play? Maybe...

  [to Danny and Nicholas]

  DS Andy Wainwright : We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Ass-wipe and Cuntstable Fanny Batterbum.

  Danny Butterman : [smiling] Hey, that's us!

• Danny Butterman : [about PC Doris Thatcher] She's our only policewoman.

  Nicholas Angel : She's not a policewoman.

  Danny Butterman : [whispers] Yes, she is, I've seen her bra.

• Danny Butterman : [reading a DVD cover] Supercop... meet the cop, that can't be stopped.

• [Angel and Butterman are driving to interview Arthur Webley, with PC Walker and his dog riding in the back]

  Nicholas Angel : What do we need the dog for?

  Danny Butterman : [chuckles] It's not the dog we need.

  [cut to the interview with Webley]

  Arthur Webley : [mumbles unintelligibly]

  Nicholas Angel : Right...

  [turns to Butterman and Walker]

  Nicholas Angel : What did he say?

  PC Bob Walker : He said...

  [mumbles only slightly more intelligibly]

  Nicholas Angel : [turns to Butterman] What did he say?

  Danny Butterman : He said, "an hedge is an hedge, he only chopped it down because it spoilt his view, and what's Reaper moaning about?"

• [last lines]

  PC Doris Thatcher : [over radio] Any officers near the church?

  Nicholas Angel : Go ahead, Doris.

  PC Doris Thatcher : Chief, we've just gotten reports of some hippie types messing with the recycling bins at the supermarket.

  Nicholas Angel : Leave it with us.

  PC Doris Thatcher : Right-o.

  Nicholas Angel : Sergeant Butterman? The little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

  Danny Butterman : [puts on his sunglasses] Bring the noise!

  [Nicholas wheels the car around, hits the siren, and floors the gas pedal]

• Danny Butterman : Do you want anything from the shop?

  Nicholas Angel : Cornetto.

• Danny Butterman : By the power of Greyskull!

• Danny Butterman : Well, I couldn't see his face, could I? I'm not made of eyes!

• Danny Butterman : [running to police car] I'll drive!

  Nicholas Angel : SHOTGUN!

  Nicholas Angel : Punch!... That!... Shit!

• Danny Butterman : [searching for the swan] Honk!

• Nicholas Angel : [about his notebook] This is the most important piece of equipment you will ever own. This notebook has saved my skin more times than I care to remember. Do you use yours?

  Danny Butterman : Yeah I use it.

  [shows him a flip animation]

  Nicholas Angel : [stunned] That's just extraordinary.

  Danny Butterman : You should see the one on the other side.

• [repeated line]

  Danny Butterman : Pub?

• Nicholas Angel : And are they as big as he is?

  Danny Butterman : Who?

  Nicholas Angel : The mum and the sister?

  Danny Butterman : Same person.

• Nicholas Angel : Yes, sir. Why is everyone eating chocolate cake?

  Inspector Frank Butterman : The Black Forest gateau is on Danny, as punishment for his little indiscretion.

  Nicholas Angel : His...? Sir, I don't think driving under the influence can be called a "little indiscretion."

  Inspector Frank Butterman : No, the gateau is for misplacing his helmet the other week. Last night's incident will require something a rather more serious. Do you like ice cream?

  Nicholas Angel : I'm sorry, sir. I don't follow.

  Inspector Frank Butterman : Let's just say that we won't be short of Chunky Monkey for the next month.

  Danny Butterman : [annoyed] Daaaaaad!

• Nicholas Angel : If you had paid attention to me in school, you'd understand it's not all about car chases and excitement.

  [someone speeds by, triggering Angel's radar speed gun]

  Nicholas Angel : Fire up the roof.

  [they chase and catch the speeding car]

  Danny Butterman : Now that was *brilliant*.

• [Frank Butterman is fleeing in a police car but crashes into a tree when he is distracted by the swan that Nicholas and Danny captured earlier]

  Nicholas Angel : I feel as if I should say something smart.

  Danny Butterman : You don't have to say anything at all.

• Danny Butterman : Dad just said it was his special club.

• Nicholas Angel : I just want to be... good at what I do.

  Danny Butterman : You are good at what you do, you just need to switch off that big ol' melon of yours.

  Nicholas Angel : That's just it Danny, I don't think I know how.

  Danny Butterman : I can show you.

  [opens doors to a closet, reveals his rather large and extensive DVD collection]

  Nicholas Angel : [stunned] By the power of Greyskull!

  Danny Butterman : Point Break or Bad Boys II?

  Nicholas Angel : Which do you think I'd prefer?

  Danny Butterman : No I mean which do you want to watch first?

  Nicholas Angel : You are pulling my leg right?

• [Danny and Nicholas are eating ice cream in the car when Nicholas makes a revelation about the case]

  Danny Butterman : What's a matter, you got brain freeze?

  Nicholas Angel : No, I've got brainwave. Get us back to the station. Now!

  Danny Butterman : [Danny shoves all of his ice cream in his mouth] Aargh!

• [repeated line]

  Danny Butterman : Want anything from the shop?

• [Nick Angel and Danny are returning from the pub]

  Danny Butterman : Fancy a coffee?

  Nicholas Angel : No thanks, don't drink it.

  Danny Butterman : Cup of tea?

  Nicholas Angel : I don't drink caffeine after midday.

  Danny Butterman : A beer?

  Nicholas Angel : [pauses] Umm...?

• [seeing Webley's barn full of guns]

  Nicholas Angel : Where on earth did you get these?

  Arthur Webley : Found 'em.

  Danny Butterman : He found them.

  Nicholas Angel : And what is this?

  Danny Butterman : Sea mine.

  Arthur Webley : Sea mine.

  Nicholas Angel : Well, Mr. Webley this is an extremely dangerous collection, it's a wonder nobody's been hurt before.

  Arthur Webley : Nah, just a lot of junk.

  [He hits the mine with the butt of his shotgun. With a creak, it slowly tips onto its side and starts ticking softly. The three men exchange a look]

  Nicholas Angel : MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

• Danny Butterman : [to Nick] You don't know how to switch off!

• Danny Butterman : Yeah, Roy-ee!

• PC Danny Butterman : Sorry, I just- I just feel like I'm missing out sometimes. I wanna do what you do.

  Nicholas Angel : You *do* do what I do! What on earth you think you're missing out?

  PC Danny Butterman : Gun fights, car chases... proper action and shit!

  Nicholas Angel : Police work is not about proper action. Or shit.

hot fuzz quotes imdb

Source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0425112/characters/nm0296545

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